Please stop saying, “Your time will come!” ...and other annoying things that singles don't want to hear.

Married people have often told myself and other singles that we will not get married until we are content in our singleness. 

I would like to humbly submit that this is said in error. 

Let me explain... first, I do want to stress that contentment in Christ is absolutely paramount to having Jesus be Lord in your life and that every believer, regardless of his or her marital status, should be satisfied in Christ alone. Second, I also want to say that I do understand that when married folks share this “bit-o-wisdom” with us single women and men, I know that it is well-intended. 

BUT, if I may, I am suggesting to you that this statement (and viewpoint) actually facilitates a works-based mentality that is more harmful than helpful in most cases. The Spirit doesn’t require us to attain a certain state or “level” before He grants us with any spiritual gift. The “gift” of singleness described in Scripture is the same word— “charisma” —that is used elsewhere in Scripture in reference to the gifts of wisdom, knowledge, faith, discernment, prophecy, marriage, etc. We can’t earn any of these gifts any more than we earn salvation. EVERY gift is all of grace. 

Moreover, none of us are told that we will be given all of these gifts! Right now, I (and others) have the “charisma” of singleness. Perhaps one day we will have the “charisma” of marriage... but perhaps not. It does us no service to hear, “your time will come,” or, “one day... you just wait!” when in fact, no one knows if that is at all in Abba’s good and sovereign will for our lives! Our hope cannot be placed in the possibility of a future marriage. 

We are single today because that is exactly what our Abba has apportioned to us today. 

I am only saying all of this as an encouragement to my married brothers and sisters who are trying to encourage us single brothers and sisters... let’s all direct each other’s eyes to be fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, the One in whom our hope should lie. 

Some practical ways you can love and encourage the singles in your life:

-Pray for them regularly, and let them know that you do! (I hope that you do this for all of your friends- single and married alike!)

-Invite them into your home and include them in your families. 

-Men, if you’re able, offer to help single women with home repairs or other things that may be a bit more difficult for them to accomplish alone. 

-Lastly, when your single friend has a hard day and wants to “vent” about his/her singleness.... listen. The pain and emotions that are at times associated with singleness are real. Share your own stories of wrestling with your current life circumstances if you’d like! But always end by pointing his/her eyes to Christ for satisfaction.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, that photo is of myself in 1 of 12... that's right, 12... bridesmaid dresses I own ;)

Have you prayed about it as much as you’ve talked about it?

I like answers. And I like them to be quick answers. Because of this, I often go to my friends, mentors, or family to talk through things because I KNOW they'll answer me right there on the spot. Not that it's a bad thing to talk to those you love and trust about things, I totally am an external processor, but my fear of God not responding how or when I want Him to is what has kept me from running to Him first with everything. 

He's been speaking to me about this a lot lately. Did you catch that? He's been SPEAKING to me about this. Abba is not silent! The problem is that we are too busy to sit in silence to listen to Him. 

It takes time. 

It takes quiet. 

It's uncomfortable. 

Think of it this way- when you're at a nice restaurant, you are presented with different courses throughout the meal. Each one comes at the right time, when you're ready for it, and you drive away from that place feeling full and content (strictly speaking in relation to food here haha). 

What happens when you go through the drive-thru somewhere? Sure, you're given some quick food, but [usually] you are driving away from that place with your food and your hunger is still not satisfied until you get home and are able to tuck in to that meal (which is usually not that good for you anyway haha).

What would happen if we began treating our time with Abba like that of dining at a fine restaurant? Enjoying His company, waiting on each course... rather than seeking fast-food answers from other people? 

I'm just guessing here, but I THINK we would be a whole lot more satisfied! 

Friends, our Creator, our Savior, our Confidant... He WANTS to spend time with us. And you know what? We make time for who we want to spend time with.

No excuses. 

Do me a favor, would you? The next time I come to you asking for advice, wisdom, or even just a listening ear... would you serve me well by first asking if I've talked to Abba? I already love you more for saying "yes!" ☺️