Please stop saying, “Your time will come!” ...and other annoying things that singles don't want to hear.

Married people have often told myself and other singles that we will not get married until we are content in our singleness. 

I would like to humbly submit that this is said in error. 

Let me explain... first, I do want to stress that contentment in Christ is absolutely paramount to having Jesus be Lord in your life and that every believer, regardless of his or her marital status, should be satisfied in Christ alone. Second, I also want to say that I do understand that when married folks share this “bit-o-wisdom” with us single women and men, I know that it is well-intended. 

BUT, if I may, I am suggesting to you that this statement (and viewpoint) actually facilitates a works-based mentality that is more harmful than helpful in most cases. The Spirit doesn’t require us to attain a certain state or “level” before He grants us with any spiritual gift. The “gift” of singleness described in Scripture is the same word— “charisma” —that is used elsewhere in Scripture in reference to the gifts of wisdom, knowledge, faith, discernment, prophecy, marriage, etc. We can’t earn any of these gifts any more than we earn salvation. EVERY gift is all of grace. 

Moreover, none of us are told that we will be given all of these gifts! Right now, I (and others) have the “charisma” of singleness. Perhaps one day we will have the “charisma” of marriage... but perhaps not. It does us no service to hear, “your time will come,” or, “one day... you just wait!” when in fact, no one knows if that is at all in Abba’s good and sovereign will for our lives! Our hope cannot be placed in the possibility of a future marriage. 

We are single today because that is exactly what our Abba has apportioned to us today. 

I am only saying all of this as an encouragement to my married brothers and sisters who are trying to encourage us single brothers and sisters... let’s all direct each other’s eyes to be fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, the One in whom our hope should lie. 

Some practical ways you can love and encourage the singles in your life:

-Pray for them regularly, and let them know that you do! (I hope that you do this for all of your friends- single and married alike!)

-Invite them into your home and include them in your families. 

-Men, if you’re able, offer to help single women with home repairs or other things that may be a bit more difficult for them to accomplish alone. 

-Lastly, when your single friend has a hard day and wants to “vent” about his/her singleness.... listen. The pain and emotions that are at times associated with singleness are real. Share your own stories of wrestling with your current life circumstances if you’d like! But always end by pointing his/her eyes to Christ for satisfaction.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, that photo is of myself in 1 of 12... that's right, 12... bridesmaid dresses I own ;)

Acres of Hope: Singleness and the Hope of what's to come

I talked with a friend last night about how we are both single and would prefer not to be. We spoke of the difficulties we experience watching others whom we love be swept off their feet and carried away by these incredible men of God. We spoke of how lonely it can feel. How it can cause us to ask the "why?" question a lot.

But what we ended on wasn't frustration. In fact, we spoke quite a bit of how Jesus has swept us off our feet, and how He continues to pursue us, and how because we are not distracted with husbands and children, we are able to focus our attention on our intimacy with Him in the way that Paul spoke of in 1 Corinthians 7. And you know what? It's been a slow, hard lesson to learn, but I've finally come to the point of thanking Abba for all of my single years. Now, that doesn't mean that my desire for a husband is gone. But what it does mean is that one simple yet profound Truth has surfaced in my heart that I've always tried to stuff down and all of a sudden these past several years make sense to me now...

If Abba had given me a husband when I asked Him to, I would have made him my god. 

At first, that reality came like a strong blow to my chest. "Me? Make someone else a god? Never! God, You know me! You know I love You more than anything!"

I raged.

It took some time, but somewhere along the way, when I finally shut up and let Him allure me into the wilderness and speak tenderly to me, I heard His sweet, soft, True, non-condemning voice... 
"Yes. I DO know you. And I know you perfectly. Better than you know yourself. Can't you see that I've gifted you with this time? Can't you see how I've lavished My love on you, how I've never stopped pursuing your heart to make it more like Mine, how I caused My Spirit to make you yearn for Me? Can't you see how without this time, you would have never learned to love Me above all else? I love you. And you know that well. And you trust Me. Because we've spent all this time together."

Oh, He's right. He's right! I would have so quickly put my trust in a husband. I would have worshipped him as my redeemer from my single years. As my first love. As my lord.

There was much repentance, but it was followed with much grace.

If and when Abba does choose to gift me with a husband, I now know Who my first love really is. I know Who my Redeemer is. I know Who my Lord is. And I know that because of His Spirit, I can trust that He will carry out to completion the good work He has started in me.

I do not write all this to say that I am rid of my desires and totally 110% captivated by Jesus and I'll never cry again when another friend gets engaged. No, I will still struggle. And I will still need my friends to remind me of Truth and to point me back to Jesus as my Hope, not the possibility of a future husband.

But the difference is that stillness in my heart. It's that realization that I truly am fully known. And that the motto I preach to myself every day is true...

Jesus is better. 

If you're interested in listening, this song is sweet to my soul!

Image taken from here.